Spitballing a party invite for my grandma's 90th, 3 invites wide:
Invite 1: cult followers
Please come! It's a 90th bday party celebration!
She's vaccinated and so are we. Bring your mask anyway. If you're too goddamn uncomfortable to wear a mask at any point that it might be called for to wear one, don't come. It won't be the same without you, we hope you can join us! RSVP by [date/time].
Invite 2: elders + followers
Delores "Lolly" Prestbo is turning 90! This is an invitation to all the people that love her to turn out together for the occasion of celebration. Overnight accommodations in Northwest Washington State covered. Book airfare/travel of your own accord. We can't wait to see you! RSVP by [date/time].
Invite 3: new people in the days of covid
It's my grandma's 90th birthday celebration, please come! We want to be comfortable and for you to be, too. We're all in the vaccinated fashion, and welcome everybody in a celebratory mood besides (ie. mask-wearing, in-person distancing, leave your guns and dogs at home, kid-friendly) as parties have always been: fun and come at your own risk. Since we haven't partied in awhile, we thought it would be good to layout the regular, party rules. Come have fun with us! RSVP by [date/time].
Update: She doesn't want one. End of (this) story. While I was at it, she said not to worry a big hullabaloo for her funeral either. Hey! Her mother (my great grandmother) had a 3-day party in her honor on a 90th+ birthday that resulted in people sleeping in trees so surely we can make something this generation worth talking about generations later, no? She assures me she has everything paid for (in the final act) including but not limited to the flight for her [dead] body to be transported to South Dakota. We laughed a good while about the possibility of using her "frequent flier miles" for this. It's on my list of things to look into.
Love parties and people (even if they don't want to party at the moment).
-mp